believe

Weak Strength

2009-07-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" - Proverbs 24:10

Paul struggled with a thorn in his flesh. Three times he asked God to remove it, but the now-familiar answer was clear. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). Paul heard straight from God's mouth how to persevere in a trial. It is God's strength that carries us through.
Jesus assured us that we would have trouble in this world (John 16:33). How negligent would our Father be if He knew this and did not prepare us for the tough times! We are not designed to cruise through life with ease. We are built for endurance by the God who has planned eternity for us. He knows trouble will come. He simply must prepare us to handle it in grace and His strength.
Newly manufactured products are often given a stress test. An extreme amount of pressure is applied to them- more than they will experience in regular use- so that their strength can be verified. God does the same with us, as painful as it is. But there's a difference. He's not testing us for our strength. He is testing us for our inclination to depend on His strength. His power is the only power that can carry us through.
We would agree with the proverb above. We do falter in times of trouble, and our strength is small. But we have learned a secret. Small strength allows room for God's power. It sends us in search of a Sustainer and a Deliverer, and there is no more worthwhile search. We will find Him if we are under no illusions about our own self-sufficiency.

Are you going through a trial? It is more than a lesson in tolerance. It is for your endurance and it is a lesson in dependence. Know your weakness. Know your potential for faltering. Then know the power of your God. Blessed is the person who can say, "How small is my strength!" with the knowledge that there is a greater strength available. And blessed is the Giver of sufficient grace. Where we are weak, He is strong.

This message is from my daily devotional by Chris Tiegreen

A Contradicting Heart & Mind

2009-05-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

I went to a bible study just for the singles women at church. It was a onetime thing that they called OXYGEN. I sure hope it becomes something more because I so enjoyed it and although it brings much anxiety for me to sit around tons of girls being asked to be vulnerable with each other, I left encouraged and uplifted. One of the girls who lead it read from the daily devotion the church is going through together, which I had not gotten. It struck me and is something that I so often think about. Wanted to share it with...well myself since I'm not sure who reads this. So here you go Katherine. The words that you so often can't get to come out of your mouth. :)

_____________________________________________________________________
Why Not?
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

PSALM 9:10

IN WORD Something is holding us back. Perhaps it is a fear that maybe we are wrong about God. Maybe we feel presumptuous. It is possible, if we have been disappointed in the past, that our misunderstanding is haunting us. We hear a voice in the back of our minds that says, "What if God doesn't come through? What if all my hopes are illusions?" So we hesitate to trust God. We pray and we hope, but faith remains incomplete and doubts linger. We'll ask Him to help us, but we withhold judgment until we've seen His response.
The call of Scripture is contrary to our natural inclination. We are called to believe God with reckless abandon- not just believe that he is there and that He is involved with us somehow, though we're not sure exactly how; but that He is actively, personally seeking our good and answering our prayers. We are to give up our own strategies and ambitions, to relinquish all "Plan Bs," to recklessly, irrevocably cast ourselves completely into His arms. But we're reluctant, and the problem always comes back to us: In spite of His track record, we don't seem to completely trust Him Why not?

IN DEED God called Abraham to leave Haran and go to a place to be revealed later. Jesus invited Peter to step out of the boat and walk on water. That kind of call is scary, though typical in God's Kingdom. But why is it scary? Where could He lead us that we'd regret? Would He ever lead us into danger but not out of it?
God calls us to "reckless" trust, the kind that prepares no safety net and reserves nothing for a spiritually rainy day. That kind of trust, if broken, leaves no room to save face. But it can't be broken. Try to find someone God has forsaken, observe His faithfulness, and ask yourself: "Why wouldn't I trust Him wholeheartedly?" Think about it. Why not?

Trust involves letting go and knowing God will catch you. ---James Dobson

Jaded by the past

2009-04-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

Father, speak to me. For days now I have thought of so many things I want to type and this morning you have been presenting these hurts to me but my mind is clouded with everything that happened with this friend. My mind keeps playing back everything so fast that I can't get out of it and find myself in tears filled with anger, hurt, and sadness. Lord, now I have no words to type and feel I should just leave this page blank. Father, speak to me.

Philippians 1:9

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ"

So I want to share this picture I took of a sign in the forbidden city. I about laughed my head off when I saw it. Praise the Father that a single act of carelessness not only doesn't cause us the eternal loss of beauty or a life of eternity with Him. Enjoy...

爸爸

2009-03-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

It has been almost a week since I have been back from China. So many people have been so patient with me with wanting to see pictures and hear all about it. Honestly, I am still processing all that 爸爸 -Dad did (Jesus). So much happened in such a short visit. I honestly still can't believe I went and must admit that I am one who has little faith in the Lord still. I still struggle with giving him everything. All my hurts, fears, weaknesses, my past, my future. I don't have a problem telling him my desires though. ****I have no idea where any of this is going so bare with me if you actually read this thing. :) God began a work in me that shined a light on my faithlessness and insecurities when it comes to trust and relationships when he so loudly told me in a fatherly way that I was going on this trip. From the time he put it on my heart to go he began to heal those old wounds that have kept me at a distant length from fellow believers. These are the other group members who are so sweet and who so love the Lord like none other. It was awesome to see them during their best times and their worst times to prove my "truths" are lies.

Forbidden City - Beijing, China

The Group @ Houston Airport waiting to leave for China

Each one of these people touched my heart in so many ways. The Lord used each one to mend my hurting heart. Now the tears are coming. There are so many things I could type out about each one individually but one thing that really touched my heart was when Huan and Michael asked me to tell my testimony during our morning worship time. I was so scared to but kinda laughed it off when Huan asked me on the way back from the Great Wall. I prayed so hard that he would forget. More of a mercy prayer to God to please let him to forget. The thoughts rushed through my mind that I can't do this. What if I don't tell it correctly? What if I tell too much? What do I need to keep to myself? I'll blank out like I have before. What if they won't like me after I tell my secrets that I often don't tell? Tuesday Night came and we were walking back to our hotel in Chongqing, China where we were teaching. Michael came to me and asked if I was going to talk in the Morning and I just said, I can't. But God did. I know they had been praying for me and you bet I was up that night in the shower crying to God that I'm in China and I can't run. I'M IN CHINA LORD AND I'LL GET LOST IF I RUN! God is so faithful. I did tell His story in my life without any fear. So neat how he works. When we arrived in Beijing which was our first stop we were all asked to pick a verse that would be our week verse. Of course my mind is spinning around with insecurities again not really knowing where to look or really had not felt God leading me to one by spirit. I turned to Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It was such a freeing moment for me. Words really can't explain what I feel and what I was feeling in China. I can't even really comprehend them myself. I just know that God understands. The group did none of those things I feared of. They of course did the opposite. The encouraging words they spoke after and through out the trip just had me on the inside crying to God you are right. You are right and I am wrong. Father please forgive my unbelief.

okay, enough for tonight. I'll leave a few of my favorite pictures from our first day. Also, the title I believe says Dad. I totally took it from a translator, so if you do know Chinese and that isn't what it says let me know. haha. We had to come up with other words besides saying Jesus, God, Church, Christ, believer etc. So when we referred to God or the above we would say Dad. It was so sweet hearing them say that. Especially those who did come to ask Dad into their hearts. The trip was amazing and I never want to run away or say no to God's plan. I'm so thankful he kept pursuing me to go. More to come. Lot's more.

This is hilarious! We found only one in our room in both hotels. It is called "A fire fighter filter type self-saver". So, in China when they try to translate Chinese to English it can be quite funny because at times you have no idea what they are talking about and then others you know what they were trying to say but didn't. So this item in case of an emergency is suppose to go over your face like a gas mask. Only one per room though so all other roommates are out of luck. The last step is "Choose way and flee for your life decidedly."

I love these to guys. Phillip-right and Andrew-left were the funniest boys. Andrew has such a serving heart and was so kind to carry all of our waters as well as watch out for the ladies when we were wandering around. Philip was known as Grandpa. Not sure why but I just went along with it. They both had me and the others laughing the entire time. Phillip sang for us during worship time. Let's just say none of us but him had a singing voice. But the Lord sure does love a joyful noise.

So, I totally didn't know how to use chop sticks at all. Friends have tried and tried to help teach me in the past years but I just could not get it. So right before I left some friends and I ate a Pei Wei and I saw a little kid eating with this chop stick help thing in the picture. I almost tackled the poor kid for it because I totally had to have one so I could fit in with the crowd. Everyone thought it was hilarious especially the Chinese people. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. Good news, I finally did learn how to use them thanks to one of the guys. I forget my helper and was forced to learn.

Such a beautiful sun setting. This was on the first night as soon as we got into our hotel. Although I was all the way around the world in China with a lot of things that were not the same, it was so comforting to see God's beautiful painting in the sky just like I see at home.

be gentle

2009-02-08T16:57:00.000-08:00

Lord, I give you my heart.

Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion over you and only you. As I listen to these beautiful words that are sung by Shane & Shane, I can only bend on my knees with my arms open. Not closed fisted holding onto the things that are false hopes and false truths. I've tried to pry open my clinched fists and let go of the one thing that keeps all secrets, sees no light and fears of vulnerability, my heart. Lord, you gave me this vision late last night as tears ran down my cheeks. God, I give you my heart. Lord, I'm scared to death, not knowing what you'll ask of me. Lord, please be gentle as I try and surrender these hurts and scars that I've only believed would actually keep me safe. I thought they would remind me every time I get close to making a friend that I shouldn't get too close. Because I don't want to ever go through that abuse again. Lord, I believed that if I only gave people a tiny part of me, the part that showed I was tough and could handle anything, I would not be taken advantage of. Lord, no one else can touch my heart like you do. No relationship, eating disorder, money, daddies, or job can touch my heart like you do. Lord, you are enough for me. You are my all in all. You are my hope, love, and strength. Lord, I want to do your will even if that means doing it with fear. Thank you for giving me the strength to sign up for China, Lord. Missions have been something I know you have called me to from day one but also something I have been running from. Lord, you’re going to run this race with me and I am beyond excited. I secretly do a happy dance.

Lord, I mentioned to someone that I was tough. I had attitude. I'm really not a soft, sensitive person. I grew up with mean brothers and a dad who was a cop. I had a chilly bowl hair cut till I was in high school so I had to be tough if you know what I mean. But now I cry and I'm emotional. I'm a girl now and not a tom-boy. What I was, was a little girl in need of her heavenly father. I laughed and said that I have no clue what was wrong with me because I used to never cry. I just didn't know how. My friend responded that you Lord have softened my heart. You have indeed Lord. You have indeed. I must admit I'm a softy now. :0)

God, I pray for China. I pray for the people we will come across that you prepare their hearts now Lord. Open their eyes to your ways. Your ways that will bring them life and hope. Ways that will make them a softy like you have made me. Lord, I pray for the group as we prepare, that you give us wisdom and discernment. That you would give us a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. - 1kings 3:9 God, I pray that you push me farther than I’m comfortable with. And when I begin to turn back and run, be there with open arms that will hold me and push me back out.

Lord, I'm giving you my heart. Lord, lure me and pursue me. Walk close beside me. My hands are now freed able to cling onto you. I lift them up to you washed and clean because you father loved me first and washed them clean with your blood on the cross. I'm undeserving, God yet you continue to show me mercy and your grace pours down on me. Praise you father. Praise you.

Lord, I give you my heart.

In His timing and for His glory

2008-12-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

Life goes so fast that I don't often stop in the moment and praise God for today. Life goes so fast that often I forget where I used to be and forget how God has been true and merciful to me. How can I say no to Him and struggle often with trusting His will for my life over my own will. I have gotten myelf into so much trouble and heartache to only have Him carry me out, straighten me up and love me with discipline. Today is a day that I am grateful for and a day that only He got me to. Today, December 28th, 2008 I have 4 years of recovery. 4 years of freedom from an eating disorder. I can't believe that it has been 4 because it only seems like yesterday honestly.

Lord, the words I first spoke to you when you came into my life were, "prove to me your real. prove to me that you won't ever leave me. prove to me that you love me." As ignorant as I was you knew exactly where I was and exactly where I was going and what I needed. As I was in the hospital laying in that bed crying for you years later, once again you told me, "I'll always be here. Yesterday. Today. and Tomorrow." And here we are 4 years later. Jesus, you are my life, my love, my hope, and my future. Lord, these are the things I praise you for. Things that I give you glory. Here are the past 4 years.

* Dec. 28th, 2004- Entered the hospital
* Accepted to Sam Houston State University
* 2 nephews
* ART
* Student teaching
* Graduating college
* Got off all medications
* I can sleep on my own!
* I'm healthy
* became a Teacher
* no more anxiety attacks
* Caroline
* Janet
* Jacob came home from the Marines. a prayer answered
* Houston
* First Baptist Church
* Friends
* Trust
* apartment
* Financial stability. Praise you father!
* emotions
*family
* 4 stinkin years of recovery!

You are my strength!

Who's the author of your life?

2008-11-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

"When we trust our lives to the unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending."

I thought I could be strong

2008-10-19T17:05:00.001-07:00

I have had this CD since Highschool but never knew who she was or that it was a good cd. Found it tonight and put it in. I like this song.

"Beautiful"
by Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Be Still

2008-10-12T12:45:00.001-07:00

Song lyrics | Be Still lyrics">

Cardboard Testimonies

2008-09-17T19:17:00.001-07:00

WOW!!! I saw this on someone's blog and can't stop watching it. Can I relate to some and add many more. What would your cardboard testimony be?

Progress

2008-09-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

*** I just want to let everyone know how awesome the city of Houston is. I went back to my aunts neighborhood to check on them and see if anyone needed help. I go and see not only people helping their neighbors but Firefighters helping saw down these huge trees that are in the ways of the road and on houses. They were going down every street checking on all the residents. It is awesome to see people glorifiying God despite the difficult circumstances. Have a great tuesday.

the ARCH of Briar Grove.

2008-09-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

UPDATE 9.16.08

***Okay so this is the ARCH. I was blessed to meet this elderly man named Ray. He was so sweet and in such good spirits. The tree landed right infront of his house. I was thinking how fortunate he was that it didn't crush his house until he took me to his backyard and began telling me his story. He moved down to houston after Katrina. He told me that he has been through several but Katrina was enough for him in New Orleans. His neighbors were joking that he brought IKE with him. But as he walked me back there he was telling me how he had been in his attic putting things up and to control a leak when he heard a huge crash. It was a tree that came crashing down through his back part of the house. He and his wife are living in the front of the house as of now although it has been raining and still no power. The picture below is the back side of Mr. Ray's house.

Okay, this poor house was the worst I saw in my aunt's neighborhood. The tree that starts at the left bottom side of the picture extends all the way to the top right. That is how long it is. Not only one but two 1/2 trees are laying in this house crushing all 4 sides.

***UPDATE***

All the pictures besides the homedepot are from my aunts neighborhood. Every other house is destroyed by the huge HUGE pine trees that came crashing down, not into one house but 3 houses at once because they are so big.

Okay, so I am sitting at the SUBWAY in and out of internet service. I will try to get everything on asap. Just want to remind everyone to continue your prayers. I still don't have power and that has been since last thursday. I have been speaking with others and there is a family with 3 children who still have no word on their daddy who refused to leave Galveston. They lived in the area that was domolished. They are pretty upset. Just continue to lift everyone up.

************************************************************************************

I just wanted to post that title before I forget it. I will explain tomorrow. I need to find a plug to charge my camera and computer. I will post with pictures. I headed to my aunts house today and it was really sad. House are destroyed and that is only a handful of people compared to the entire HOUSTON. 4th Largest city. PRAY PRAY PRAY! K. Must get going. Curfew is only 40 mintues away. Don't want to get a fine.

Check back tomorrow.

Katherine

What is that STENCH?

2008-09-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. Okay probably just caroline. Not sure really who reads this considering I have had like 3 people ever comment. Anyways. Update on the life of Katherine.

So still no power at all and no water. I did get water for a few hours but do not want to take chances. They say to boil it because the water is contaminated. Last night I did sleep pretty well considering I have been up for days. I passed out but woke up drenched in sweat again. What is that stentch? Well, the mixture of ME, my breath, toilet and spoiled food. YUM!

You might wonder how I am using internet to post this. I have been driving around Katy to find some motel to steal from them. So I am sitting in betweeen the comfort inn and Hampton Inn in my car. Of what I have seen in katy it is a ghost town. Maybe a few places are open. Getting something to eat besides my goldfish and warm grapes would be nice. (I do have more to eat) But seriously how many people can you get in a waffle house? lol LET'S SET A WORLD RECORD!

I would post a picture of my lovely face but I'll spare you. It just looks like my hair is plastered to my head and the bags under my eyes people just a lovely color of purple.

The winds when IKE came through were sooo stinkin strong. Just admazed me. I wanted to see how powerful so I opened my front door and stuck my hand out to see and I lost my hand. I was watching people out there and they were being blown around like a ragdoll. They are, well lets just say STUPID. anyways. I am going to go because people are looking at me weird.

Love you all!

Standing in the glow of a SUNSET

2008-09-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

It is now 7:30pm and the wind has picked up alot more. I was on the computer and saw this orange and pink glow out of my windows. This is what I saw. God's beauty is amazing today in such a chaotic time. Made me get away from the crazyness of the news to step outside to just stop and enjoy.

The wind has picked up alot.

If any family is reading this. I am going to blog until my power goes off. My computer will have full battery but not sure the internet will work. When my power goes out I will turn off my cell to save battery. Love you all. Stay safe.

More Pictures

2008-09-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

Ranch hands relocate 1,600 head of cattle from low-lying land near High Island, Texas to higher ground.

The waves braking over the seawall onFriday.

A big wave crashes into the seawall.

A fire destroys a house as water threatens Galveston Island homes.

In the face of Hurricane Ike

2008-09-12T15:37:00.000-07:00

The winds are picking up. It is now 5:30pm on Sept. 12, 2008 The first picture is off of the 2nd floor balcony which my apartment is located. It is facing towards San Antonio going West.

The second picture is on the third floor balcony facing towards Houston going East.
This picture is of the Forcasted Maximum Sustained Wind Data from the Office of Emergency Management. This is highlighted for my zip area in Katy, TX.

IKE

2008-09-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

This is the view from my balcony of my apartment around 12pm today. The wind was starting to slowly pick up and I heard nothing but silence. Kinda crazy considering I live right off of I-10. I did get in my car today to go to the store for last minute things before IKE comes. My parents are FREAKING just a LITTLE! They are so funny but seriously Mom and Dad I taped my windows so therefore my fort will not blow away. :0)

I decided to go around my apartment to see what everyone is doing because I just moved here and have never experienced all the excitment. So these are a few pictures I took. Notice the one with the boards over the windows. I took the picture and stopped to look at it and zoomed in and noticed this scary man looking at me through his window. So I started to walk really fast because it scared me and he came out and said, "YOU TAKE PICTURE!" I said in a cowardly way, "Yes, I thought it was interesting." Haha. He probably thought I was going to get him in trouble because we are not suppose to nail wood over our windows.

Right now it is 3:10pm. The wind is picking up and I felt a few sprinkles.

Ephesians 3:20

2008-09-06T08:37:00.001-07:00

Beginning Idea- This was colored by Marie in 04)

I was in the hospital when I began sketching out the flower and there was this elderly woman. She was beautiful but weak and fragile. Everyday she would watch me color and paint and she would always comment that they were so beautiful. She always said that she wish she could do that. I would ask her each day, “Would you like to color?” She always responded with, “NO that’s for children!” Our relationship grew throughout the week I was there. She would quote scripture to me and have me look it up and read it for her because at times she couldn’t remember it all. She was around 80 or so. I saw this woman come alive more and more every day. At first she was resistant to anyone’s touch and anyone’s help and I too was as well. She wouldn’t eat at all and the nurses would just leave her alone. She was growing weaker and her color just fading away. God drew me to her. I began to talk to her and LISTEN to her. As she began to trust me she let me help her. I cut her food for her and opened the containers for her as she desperately tried to put the spoon in the soup. She would cry because she was loosing her independence. She couldn’t even do the basics of feeding herself because her poor body and hands just shook so much. God spoke to me so much then, that now I can see the meaning behind it. He showed me through this woman that I am his child and that I am dependent on Him. My whole life I was doing all I could do to be independent. 1 John 3:1 – “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.")At the time I was struggling and extremely depressed and my relationship with God was fairly new. The words that came from her I know were coming from God. It was the night before I was leaving and I was doing my usual routine, coloring and painting. She looked at me and told me how beautiful I was and talented and that God has plans for me. I asked her again, “Marie would you like to color with me?” This time she said yes. I drew the flower and she chose her colors. Her hands were barely able to hold the crayon. She began to cry and weep. I said, “Marie, what is wrong?” She replied, “I can’t see it. I CAN’T SEE IT.” Right there I knew God was very real. My struggle from the beginning was “but I can’t see Him.” How can I trust if I can’t see him? (2 Corinthians 5:7 – “We live by faith not by sight.”)Right then I knew I needed him. She couldn’t eat because she is blind. She couldn’t see to color because she is blind, almost to the point of total blindness. I hugged her and said don’t worry Marie I can make it darker. (“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:16) So I went over it with thick black sharpie. She colored it but struggled because she kept going out of the lines. She kept saying over and over, “I can’t do this. It doesn’t look good!” I loved the fact that I was able to speak those words she spoke to me everyday, "It is beautiful. You are beautiful Marie!” The next day, I checked out and as I walked out her daughter was there. Something we had prayed about because Marie mentioned that she didn’t have support. Her daughter came up to me and shook my hand and said," Thank you so much for helping my mom. We never thought we would see her smile again. (Come to find out she was in the hospital because she tried to end her life). I looked at her and said, "It wasn't me but Christ. God gets all the glory. Your mom has touched my heart and her love for Christ truly has impacted my life." God is such an amazing Savior, not only did he give hope and life in an 80 year old he too brought life back in me at 19. He touched two lives at once by bringing to strangers together who were in need of His resurrection. He works his purposes like the way he said he would. It was the hardest goodbye. I am constantly thinking about this little old woman who taught me so much of her wisdom in such a short time.
God is such an amazing God for all that he taught me the two months I was there and the amazing thing is I am still learning so much from it now that it has been almost 4 years.

(These mosaic crosses were inspired by God and a beautiful elderly lady, Marie.)
I don’t know why I felt like sharing this, I just feel drawn to. I never have told anyone about the meaning behind it. Here is a picture attached of Marie’s artwork. I still have it till this day and can't hold the tears back when I look at it.

May you all be blessed!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." Eph. 3:20

"Give Me Some Sugar"

2008-08-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

**** (Update) Please Leave Comments especially if you had her as a teacher or if she impacted you. Make sure you leave the year you had her. I will post on a later date responding to some of my favorite posts. Much Love!
Rita Page

This is my Grandma Page with her last class of students in 2000. She retired at the age of 77, completing her 47-year teaching career. Can you believe that her goal was to teach at the ripe age of 80 to meet her 50th year of teaching? She is the most dedicated woman I have met not only in the classroom but also for her family. I sit here remembering my time as a child growing up ecstatic to visit her in Illinois. My first stop was to her classroom where she had a desk ready for me. Once I was in her classroom I was no longer her granddaughter, I was her student. She would have me read and re-read until I got it, following, "Now give me some sugar.” Give me sugar was what she said when she wanted a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Her students wrote a song for her for her retirement farewell. The lyrics went to the "Sugar, Sugar" melody.

"Give Me Some Sugar"

Sugar, Ah Honey, Honey You Are Our Teacher, Page.

Give Me Some Sugar Is What You Say. Honey,

Ah Sugar, Sugar You Are Our Teacher, Page Give Me

Some Sugar Is What You Say. We Just Can't Believe

What Fun We Had In Page's Class. (We Just Think

It's Been A Gas!) We Just Can't Believe

The Worldly Things You've Taught Us.
(Poetry, Geometry, "Don't Rush!")

Ah Sugar, Ah Honey, Honey

You Are Our Teacher, Page.

Give Me Sugar Is What You Say.

Ah Honey, Ah Sugar, Sugar.

You Are Our Teacher, Page.

Give Me Sugar Is What You Say. When We're

Through With Fourth Grade, We Will

Know So Many Things. (The Whole

Nine Yards And Even How to Sing!) So Many Of

These Things We Didn't Even Learn In Books

(Everything But How To Cook!)

Ah Honey, Ah Sugar, Sugar.

You Are Our Teacher, Page.

Give Me Sugar Is What You Say.

GIVE ME SUGAR!

Man do I miss those days. So I sit here exactly 12 hours before I embark on my journey in the classroom. I can't believe the day is here. This exact day I have dreamed up for 23 years. I would tell her when I was a little girl, "Grandma, I want to be just like you. I want a classroom of my own with students and books. I want them to call me just like they call you Page". To think that the day is here, a day that was only a dream. I remember my first day of student teaching a small child ran up to hug me and said, "Bye Page". It took my breath away to hear those exact words I dreamed about for a lifetime. I had the opportunity yesterday to drop by my empty classroom to drop some stuff off. One being a handmade plaque my grandmother had in her classroom. This is a picture of my mom giving it to me just an hour from graduation. I had no clue she had this. Mom said, "open this it is from grandma." I had such a puzzled look guessing she was talking about her mom. She replied, "Just open it!" I couldn't believe it, it is what my grandmother had in her classroom. Mom had grabbed it when she passed in 2002 and saved it for me for when I had my own. It took a lot of strength to not cry because I was headed out the door.

I had such a sweet moment with God while just sitting on the desks where soon there will be my students. Trying not to get emotional just in case someone walks in. God and I prayed for my class, my students, and strength and wisdom. I just kept telling Him, "God, I can't believe it. I am here. It doesn't seem real. I can't believe I am here." I couldn't say anything else yet he spoke for me. He reminded me of some of the most memorable conversations we have had through out the past couple of years. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." Jeremiah 29:11 Despite my unbelief and difficulty to trust he still is true to his word. He still gives me strength. I am blessed to have such an unconditional, loving, and merciful Father.

Finally, this is the last picture I have of my Grandma and I. This was only months away from her passing. Yet I had no clue. The hardest moment of my life was Christmas that year. We had spent our few weeks of vacation there and were on our way out, doing our usual goodbyes. Not knowing it was a goodbye. She told me seconds before we left for Texas, "Kate, this is the last time I will see you. I love you so very much." Months later she passed. I guess I am typing because I wish she were here with me. I wish she had seen me graduate and walk across that stage and see me walk in my classroom for the first time. I wish I could get her advice about teaching because whatever worked it worked for 47 years. But the beautiful thing about her passing, it was the beginning of my relationship with Christ. I have so many emotions going through me it's like the Forth of July but inside.

This post was really for me to get it out. If you did read it though, WOW! and please pray for me. I am so scared about the first day of school. You know when you were a kid at least I would have the nightmare that I went to school naked. Well, they are back now. It's the first day of school all over again. Lol. My goal is to share the love of Christ on these kids. To guide them along on such an emotional time of their life. JUNIOR HIGH. I try not to remember those days. So if you could lift us all up in prayer that would be wonderful. My first official day with them is the 25th of Aug. To God: Thank you so much for being my guidance in this life. It's a scary thought to think where I would have led myself if you hadn't grabbed me when you did. Although, yes you know all! I love you and know that love will continue to grow. I give you my kids, my class, my fears and myself. I love you, O LORD, my strength!

"relentless"

2008-08-05T04:57:00.000-07:00

ink/gesso

33 1/4 in. x 61 3/4in.

(please forgive the white bright dot in the middle. I don't know my camera yet. I don't know photography yet. Hopefully soon.)

I am not even sure anyone checks my blog but just in case you do I feel the need to justify the randomness of the pieces of artwork. I am not great at writing and speaking my feelings and emotions so God has blessed me with art. I find myself spending endless hours in my studio (spare bedroom) when I need to hear from Him and want to spend some R & R with him. God is such an amazing person, that he would give me this gift and use it to help me open myself up to Him. If it is God's will for my life, one day I would love to open up a real studio and use it to glorify Him. I'd love to reach out to others especially like me who are scared to trust anyone therefore you tend to keep everything in. I hope to continue my education soon and get a degree in Art Therapy.

Once I can put what each piece means in words I will post. For now, they are all in the inside. Honestly, I love it that way because it is something that only God and I share. Check back later.

Be blessed.

"denigration"

2008-07-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

charcoal

46 7/8 in. x 45 3/4 in.

(sorry about the flash again.)

I was taking pictures of my artwork yesterday and today. Check out the original and then look at the one I took outside. Look at the clouds on the bottom picture to the right. It definately took my breath away for a split second.

Unplowed Ground

2008-07-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I heard this song at church yesterday and it just hit the spot. I wasn't planning on blogging at all but wanted to just post this song by Ross King.

Unplowed Ground

It's drier here than every I remember,
The fields that once were green and tall are now so bare.
And patience for relief has turned to anger
And joyous praise has been replaced by faithless prayer.

I used to love to tend these fields for hours
And even times of drought would only serve to spur me on.
But now ti seems like years without a shower
And somehow my desire to grow has come and gone.

This was the word to Jeremiah, but I think it applies to me right about now...

Break up your unplowed ground, and turn your heart to Me again.
Lay all your idols down; come confess your sin.
I long to ease your pain and bring your fields to life once more,
But I will not send My rain until you make Me Lord.

A vineyard ripe with blessing now surrounds me,
And every harvest so much more than I hoped for.
But as the fruit increases all around me,
I see how fat I am and I'm still wanting more.

This is the word God gave Hosea, but I think it applies to me right about now...

Break up your unplowed ground, have you so soon forgotten Me?
I cannot watch you bow at the altar of prosperity.
I long to shower down and see our love affair restored.
So break up your unplowed ground; it's time to see the Lord.

Habits turn to cycles turn to seasons,
And seasons turn to years before we know.
And we lay still alive but barely breathing,
And we whisper, "That's just the way it goes..." but the Lord says No.

Break up your unplowed ground and you will find a treasure.Sell everything you own to buy what can't be measured.
I long to lay you down in richer fields than you have known.
So break up your unplowed ground and make this land your home.