Sunday, February 8, 2009

be gentle

Lord, I give you my heart.
Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion over you and only you. As I listen to these beautiful words that are sung by Shane & Shane, I can only bend on my knees with my arms open. Not closed fisted holding onto the things that are false hopes and false truths. I've tried to pry open my clinched fists and let go of the one thing that keeps all secrets, sees no light and fears of vulnerability, my heart. Lord, you gave me this vision late last night as tears ran down my cheeks. God, I give you my heart. Lord, I'm scared to death, not knowing what you'll ask of me. Lord, please be gentle as I try and surrender these hurts and scars that I've only believed would actually keep me safe. I thought they would remind me every time I get close to making a friend that I shouldn't get too close. Because I don't want to ever go through that abuse again. Lord, I believed that if I only gave people a tiny part of me, the part that showed I was tough and could handle anything, I would not be taken advantage of. Lord, no one else can touch my heart like you do. No relationship, eating disorder, money, daddies, or job can touch my heart like you do. Lord, you are enough for me. You are my all in all. You are my hope, love, and strength. Lord, I want to do your will even if that means doing it with fear. Thank you for giving me the strength to sign up for China, Lord. Missions have been something I know you have called me to from day one but also something I have been running from. Lord, you’re going to run this race with me and I am beyond excited. I secretly do a happy dance.

Lord, I mentioned to someone that I was tough. I had attitude. I'm really not a soft, sensitive person. I grew up with mean brothers and a dad who was a cop. I had a chilly bowl hair cut till I was in high school so I had to be tough if you know what I mean. But now I cry and I'm emotional. I'm a girl now and not a tom-boy. What I was, was a little girl in need of her heavenly father. I laughed and said that I have no clue what was wrong with me because I used to never cry. I just didn't know how. My friend responded that you Lord have softened my heart. You have indeed Lord. You have indeed. I must admit I'm a softy now. :0)

God, I pray for China. I pray for the people we will come across that you prepare their hearts now Lord. Open their eyes to your ways. Your ways that will bring them life and hope. Ways that will make them a softy like you have made me. Lord, I pray for the group as we prepare, that you give us wisdom and discernment. That you would give us a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. - 1kings 3:9 God, I pray that you push me farther than I’m comfortable with. And when I begin to turn back and run, be there with open arms that will hold me and push me back out.

Lord, I'm giving you my heart. Lord, lure me and pursue me. Walk close beside me. My hands are now freed able to cling onto you. I lift them up to you washed and clean because you father loved me first and washed them clean with your blood on the cross. I'm undeserving, God yet you continue to show me mercy and your grace pours down on me. Praise you father. Praise you.



Lord, I give you my heart.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

In His timing and for His glory

Life goes so fast that I don't often stop in the moment and praise God for today. Life goes so fast that often I forget where I used to be and forget how God has been true and merciful to me. How can I say no to Him and struggle often with trusting His will for my life over my own will. I have gotten myelf into so much trouble and heartache to only have Him carry me out, straighten me up and love me with discipline. Today is a day that I am grateful for and a day that only He got me to. Today, December 28th, 2008 I have 4 years of recovery. 4 years of freedom from an eating disorder. I can't believe that it has been 4 because it only seems like yesterday honestly.

Lord, the words I first spoke to you when you came into my life were, "prove to me your real. prove to me that you won't ever leave me. prove to me that you love me." As ignorant as I was you knew exactly where I was and exactly where I was going and what I needed. As I was in the hospital laying in that bed crying for you years later, once again you told me, "I'll always be here. Yesterday. Today. and Tomorrow." And here we are 4 years later. Jesus, you are my life, my love, my hope, and my future. Lord, these are the things I praise you for. Things that I give you glory. Here are the past 4 years.

* Dec. 28th, 2004- Entered the hospital
* Accepted to Sam Houston State University
* 2 nephews
* ART
* Student teaching
* Graduating college
* Got off all medications
* I can sleep on my own!
* I'm healthy
* became a Teacher
* no more anxiety attacks
* Caroline
* Janet
* Jacob came home from the Marines. a prayer answered
* Houston
* First Baptist Church
* Friends
* Trust
* apartment
* Financial stability. Praise you father!
* emotions
*family
* 4 stinkin years of recovery!

You are my strength!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Who's the author of your life?

"When we trust our lives to the unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I thought I could be strong

I have had this CD since Highschool but never knew who she was or that it was a good cd. Found it tonight and put it in. I like this song.

"Beautiful"
by Bethany Dillon

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Cardboard Testimonies



WOW!!! I saw this on someone's blog and can't stop watching it. Can I relate to some and add many more. What would your cardboard testimony be?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Progress




*** I just want to let everyone know how awesome the city of Houston is. I went back to my aunts neighborhood to check on them and see if anyone needed help. I go and see not only people helping their neighbors but Firefighters helping saw down these huge trees that are in the ways of the road and on houses. They were going down every street checking on all the residents. It is awesome to see people glorifiying God despite the difficult circumstances. Have a great tuesday.