爸爸

It has been almost a week since I have been back from China. So many people have been so patient with me with wanting to see pictures and hear all about it. Honestly, I am still processing all that 爸爸 -Dad did (Jesus). So much happened in such a short visit. I honestly still can't believe I went and must admit that I am one who has little faith in the Lord still. I still struggle with giving him everything. All my hurts, fears, weaknesses, my past, my future. I don't have a problem telling him my desires though. ****I have no idea where any of this is going so bare with me if you actually read this thing. :) God began a work in me that shined a light on my faithlessness and insecurities when it comes to trust and relationships when he so loudly told me in a fatherly way that I was going on this trip. From the time he put it on my heart to go he began to heal those old wounds that have kept me at a distant length from fellow believers. These are the other group members who are so sweet and who so love the Lord like none other. It was awesome to see them during their best times and their worst times to prove my "truths" are lies.

Forbidden City - Beijing, China

The Group @ Houston Airport waiting to leave for China

Each one of these people touched my heart in so many ways. The Lord used each one to mend my hurting heart. Now the tears are coming. There are so many things I could type out about each one individually but one thing that really touched my heart was when Huan and Michael asked me to tell my testimony during our morning worship time. I was so scared to but kinda laughed it off when Huan asked me on the way back from the Great Wall. I prayed so hard that he would forget. More of a mercy prayer to God to please let him to forget. The thoughts rushed through my mind that I can't do this. What if I don't tell it correctly? What if I tell too much? What do I need to keep to myself? I'll blank out like I have before. What if they won't like me after I tell my secrets that I often don't tell? Tuesday Night came and we were walking back to our hotel in Chongqing, China where we were teaching. Michael came to me and asked if I was going to talk in the Morning and I just said, I can't. But God did. I know they had been praying for me and you bet I was up that night in the shower crying to God that I'm in China and I can't run. I'M IN CHINA LORD AND I'LL GET LOST IF I RUN! God is so faithful. I did tell His story in my life without any fear. So neat how he works. When we arrived in Beijing which was our first stop we were all asked to pick a verse that would be our week verse. Of course my mind is spinning around with insecurities again not really knowing where to look or really had not felt God leading me to one by spirit. I turned to Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It was such a freeing moment for me. Words really can't explain what I feel and what I was feeling in China. I can't even really comprehend them myself. I just know that God understands. The group did none of those things I feared of. They of course did the opposite. The encouraging words they spoke after and through out the trip just had me on the inside crying to God you are right. You are right and I am wrong. Father please forgive my unbelief.

okay, enough for tonight. I'll leave a few of my favorite pictures from our first day. Also, the title I believe says Dad. I totally took it from a translator, so if you do know Chinese and that isn't what it says let me know. haha. We had to come up with other words besides saying Jesus, God, Church, Christ, believer etc. So when we referred to God or the above we would say Dad. It was so sweet hearing them say that. Especially those who did come to ask Dad into their hearts. The trip was amazing and I never want to run away or say no to God's plan. I'm so thankful he kept pursuing me to go. More to come. Lot's more.

This is hilarious! We found only one in our room in both hotels. It is called "A fire fighter filter type self-saver". So, in China when they try to translate Chinese to English it can be quite funny because at times you have no idea what they are talking about and then others you know what they were trying to say but didn't. So this item in case of an emergency is suppose to go over your face like a gas mask. Only one per room though so all other roommates are out of luck. The last step is "Choose way and flee for your life decidedly."

I love these to guys. Phillip-right and Andrew-left were the funniest boys. Andrew has such a serving heart and was so kind to carry all of our waters as well as watch out for the ladies when we were wandering around. Philip was known as Grandpa. Not sure why but I just went along with it. They both had me and the others laughing the entire time. Phillip sang for us during worship time. Let's just say none of us but him had a singing voice. But the Lord sure does love a joyful noise.

So, I totally didn't know how to use chop sticks at all. Friends have tried and tried to help teach me in the past years but I just could not get it. So right before I left some friends and I ate a Pei Wei and I saw a little kid eating with this chop stick help thing in the picture. I almost tackled the poor kid for it because I totally had to have one so I could fit in with the crowd. Everyone thought it was hilarious especially the Chinese people. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. Good news, I finally did learn how to use them thanks to one of the guys. I forget my helper and was forced to learn.

Such a beautiful sun setting. This was on the first night as soon as we got into our hotel. Although I was all the way around the world in China with a lot of things that were not the same, it was so comforting to see God's beautiful painting in the sky just like I see at home.