Weak Strength

"If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength!" - Proverbs 24:10

Paul struggled with a thorn in his flesh. Three times he asked God to remove it, but the now-familiar answer was clear. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). Paul heard straight from God's mouth how to persevere in a trial. It is God's strength that carries us through.
Jesus assured us that we would have trouble in this world (John 16:33). How negligent would our Father be if He knew this and did not prepare us for the tough times! We are not designed to cruise through life with ease. We are built for endurance by the God who has planned eternity for us. He knows trouble will come. He simply must prepare us to handle it in grace and His strength.
Newly manufactured products are often given a stress test. An extreme amount of pressure is applied to them- more than they will experience in regular use- so that their strength can be verified. God does the same with us, as painful as it is. But there's a difference. He's not testing us for our strength. He is testing us for our inclination to depend on His strength. His power is the only power that can carry us through.
We would agree with the proverb above. We do falter in times of trouble, and our strength is small. But we have learned a secret. Small strength allows room for God's power. It sends us in search of a Sustainer and a Deliverer, and there is no more worthwhile search. We will find Him if we are under no illusions about our own self-sufficiency.

Are you going through a trial? It is more than a lesson in tolerance. It is for your endurance and it is a lesson in dependence. Know your weakness. Know your potential for faltering. Then know the power of your God. Blessed is the person who can say, "How small is my strength!" with the knowledge that there is a greater strength available. And blessed is the Giver of sufficient grace. Where we are weak, He is strong.

This message is from my daily devotional by Chris Tiegreen

A Contradicting Heart & Mind

I went to a bible study just for the singles women at church. It was a onetime thing that they called OXYGEN. I sure hope it becomes something more because I so enjoyed it and although it brings much anxiety for me to sit around tons of girls being asked to be vulnerable with each other, I left encouraged and uplifted. One of the girls who lead it read from the daily devotion the church is going through together, which I had not gotten. It struck me and is something that I so often think about. Wanted to share it with...well myself since I'm not sure who reads this. So here you go Katherine. The words that you so often can't get to come out of your mouth. :)

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Why Not?
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

PSALM 9:10

IN WORD Something is holding us back. Perhaps it is a fear that maybe we are wrong about God. Maybe we feel presumptuous. It is possible, if we have been disappointed in the past, that our misunderstanding is haunting us. We hear a voice in the back of our minds that says, "What if God doesn't come through? What if all my hopes are illusions?" So we hesitate to trust God. We pray and we hope, but faith remains incomplete and doubts linger. We'll ask Him to help us, but we withhold judgment until we've seen His response.
The call of Scripture is contrary to our natural inclination. We are called to believe God with reckless abandon- not just believe that he is there and that He is involved with us somehow, though we're not sure exactly how; but that He is actively, personally seeking our good and answering our prayers. We are to give up our own strategies and ambitions, to relinquish all "Plan Bs," to recklessly, irrevocably cast ourselves completely into His arms. But we're reluctant, and the problem always comes back to us: In spite of His track record, we don't seem to completely trust Him Why not?

IN DEED God called Abraham to leave Haran and go to a place to be revealed later. Jesus invited Peter to step out of the boat and walk on water. That kind of call is scary, though typical in God's Kingdom. But why is it scary? Where could He lead us that we'd regret? Would He ever lead us into danger but not out of it?
God calls us to "reckless" trust, the kind that prepares no safety net and reserves nothing for a spiritually rainy day. That kind of trust, if broken, leaves no room to save face. But it can't be broken. Try to find someone God has forsaken, observe His faithfulness, and ask yourself: "Why wouldn't I trust Him wholeheartedly?" Think about it. Why not?

Trust involves letting go and knowing God will catch you. ---James Dobson

Jaded by the past

Father, speak to me. For days now I have thought of so many things I want to type and this morning you have been presenting these hurts to me but my mind is clouded with everything that happened with this friend. My mind keeps playing back everything so fast that I can't get out of it and find myself in tears filled with anger, hurt, and sadness. Lord, now I have no words to type and feel I should just leave this page blank. Father, speak to me.

Philippians 1:9

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ"

So I want to share this picture I took of a sign in the forbidden city. I about laughed my head off when I saw it. Praise the Father that a single act of carelessness not only doesn't cause us the eternal loss of beauty or a life of eternity with Him. Enjoy...

爸爸

It has been almost a week since I have been back from China. So many people have been so patient with me with wanting to see pictures and hear all about it. Honestly, I am still processing all that 爸爸 -Dad did (Jesus). So much happened in such a short visit. I honestly still can't believe I went and must admit that I am one who has little faith in the Lord still. I still struggle with giving him everything. All my hurts, fears, weaknesses, my past, my future. I don't have a problem telling him my desires though. ****I have no idea where any of this is going so bare with me if you actually read this thing. :) God began a work in me that shined a light on my faithlessness and insecurities when it comes to trust and relationships when he so loudly told me in a fatherly way that I was going on this trip. From the time he put it on my heart to go he began to heal those old wounds that have kept me at a distant length from fellow believers. These are the other group members who are so sweet and who so love the Lord like none other. It was awesome to see them during their best times and their worst times to prove my "truths" are lies.

Forbidden City - Beijing, China

The Group @ Houston Airport waiting to leave for China

Each one of these people touched my heart in so many ways. The Lord used each one to mend my hurting heart. Now the tears are coming. There are so many things I could type out about each one individually but one thing that really touched my heart was when Huan and Michael asked me to tell my testimony during our morning worship time. I was so scared to but kinda laughed it off when Huan asked me on the way back from the Great Wall. I prayed so hard that he would forget. More of a mercy prayer to God to please let him to forget. The thoughts rushed through my mind that I can't do this. What if I don't tell it correctly? What if I tell too much? What do I need to keep to myself? I'll blank out like I have before. What if they won't like me after I tell my secrets that I often don't tell? Tuesday Night came and we were walking back to our hotel in Chongqing, China where we were teaching. Michael came to me and asked if I was going to talk in the Morning and I just said, I can't. But God did. I know they had been praying for me and you bet I was up that night in the shower crying to God that I'm in China and I can't run. I'M IN CHINA LORD AND I'LL GET LOST IF I RUN! God is so faithful. I did tell His story in my life without any fear. So neat how he works. When we arrived in Beijing which was our first stop we were all asked to pick a verse that would be our week verse. Of course my mind is spinning around with insecurities again not really knowing where to look or really had not felt God leading me to one by spirit. I turned to Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It was such a freeing moment for me. Words really can't explain what I feel and what I was feeling in China. I can't even really comprehend them myself. I just know that God understands. The group did none of those things I feared of. They of course did the opposite. The encouraging words they spoke after and through out the trip just had me on the inside crying to God you are right. You are right and I am wrong. Father please forgive my unbelief.

okay, enough for tonight. I'll leave a few of my favorite pictures from our first day. Also, the title I believe says Dad. I totally took it from a translator, so if you do know Chinese and that isn't what it says let me know. haha. We had to come up with other words besides saying Jesus, God, Church, Christ, believer etc. So when we referred to God or the above we would say Dad. It was so sweet hearing them say that. Especially those who did come to ask Dad into their hearts. The trip was amazing and I never want to run away or say no to God's plan. I'm so thankful he kept pursuing me to go. More to come. Lot's more.

This is hilarious! We found only one in our room in both hotels. It is called "A fire fighter filter type self-saver". So, in China when they try to translate Chinese to English it can be quite funny because at times you have no idea what they are talking about and then others you know what they were trying to say but didn't. So this item in case of an emergency is suppose to go over your face like a gas mask. Only one per room though so all other roommates are out of luck. The last step is "Choose way and flee for your life decidedly."

I love these to guys. Phillip-right and Andrew-left were the funniest boys. Andrew has such a serving heart and was so kind to carry all of our waters as well as watch out for the ladies when we were wandering around. Philip was known as Grandpa. Not sure why but I just went along with it. They both had me and the others laughing the entire time. Phillip sang for us during worship time. Let's just say none of us but him had a singing voice. But the Lord sure does love a joyful noise.

So, I totally didn't know how to use chop sticks at all. Friends have tried and tried to help teach me in the past years but I just could not get it. So right before I left some friends and I ate a Pei Wei and I saw a little kid eating with this chop stick help thing in the picture. I almost tackled the poor kid for it because I totally had to have one so I could fit in with the crowd. Everyone thought it was hilarious especially the Chinese people. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. Good news, I finally did learn how to use them thanks to one of the guys. I forget my helper and was forced to learn.

Such a beautiful sun setting. This was on the first night as soon as we got into our hotel. Although I was all the way around the world in China with a lot of things that were not the same, it was so comforting to see God's beautiful painting in the sky just like I see at home.

be gentle

Lord, I give you my heart.

Lord, I want to yearn for you. I want to burn with passion over you and only you. As I listen to these beautiful words that are sung by Shane & Shane, I can only bend on my knees with my arms open. Not closed fisted holding onto the things that are false hopes and false truths. I've tried to pry open my clinched fists and let go of the one thing that keeps all secrets, sees no light and fears of vulnerability, my heart. Lord, you gave me this vision late last night as tears ran down my cheeks. God, I give you my heart. Lord, I'm scared to death, not knowing what you'll ask of me. Lord, please be gentle as I try and surrender these hurts and scars that I've only believed would actually keep me safe. I thought they would remind me every time I get close to making a friend that I shouldn't get too close. Because I don't want to ever go through that abuse again. Lord, I believed that if I only gave people a tiny part of me, the part that showed I was tough and could handle anything, I would not be taken advantage of. Lord, no one else can touch my heart like you do. No relationship, eating disorder, money, daddies, or job can touch my heart like you do. Lord, you are enough for me. You are my all in all. You are my hope, love, and strength. Lord, I want to do your will even if that means doing it with fear. Thank you for giving me the strength to sign up for China, Lord. Missions have been something I know you have called me to from day one but also something I have been running from. Lord, you’re going to run this race with me and I am beyond excited. I secretly do a happy dance.

Lord, I mentioned to someone that I was tough. I had attitude. I'm really not a soft, sensitive person. I grew up with mean brothers and a dad who was a cop. I had a chilly bowl hair cut till I was in high school so I had to be tough if you know what I mean. But now I cry and I'm emotional. I'm a girl now and not a tom-boy. What I was, was a little girl in need of her heavenly father. I laughed and said that I have no clue what was wrong with me because I used to never cry. I just didn't know how. My friend responded that you Lord have softened my heart. You have indeed Lord. You have indeed. I must admit I'm a softy now. :0)

God, I pray for China. I pray for the people we will come across that you prepare their hearts now Lord. Open their eyes to your ways. Your ways that will bring them life and hope. Ways that will make them a softy like you have made me. Lord, I pray for the group as we prepare, that you give us wisdom and discernment. That you would give us a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. - 1kings 3:9 God, I pray that you push me farther than I’m comfortable with. And when I begin to turn back and run, be there with open arms that will hold me and push me back out.

Lord, I'm giving you my heart. Lord, lure me and pursue me. Walk close beside me. My hands are now freed able to cling onto you. I lift them up to you washed and clean because you father loved me first and washed them clean with your blood on the cross. I'm undeserving, God yet you continue to show me mercy and your grace pours down on me. Praise you father. Praise you.

Lord, I give you my heart.

In His timing and for His glory

Life goes so fast that I don't often stop in the moment and praise God for today. Life goes so fast that often I forget where I used to be and forget how God has been true and merciful to me. How can I say no to Him and struggle often with trusting His will for my life over my own will. I have gotten myelf into so much trouble and heartache to only have Him carry me out, straighten me up and love me with discipline. Today is a day that I am grateful for and a day that only He got me to. Today, December 28th, 2008 I have 4 years of recovery. 4 years of freedom from an eating disorder. I can't believe that it has been 4 because it only seems like yesterday honestly.

Lord, the words I first spoke to you when you came into my life were, "prove to me your real. prove to me that you won't ever leave me. prove to me that you love me." As ignorant as I was you knew exactly where I was and exactly where I was going and what I needed. As I was in the hospital laying in that bed crying for you years later, once again you told me, "I'll always be here. Yesterday. Today. and Tomorrow." And here we are 4 years later. Jesus, you are my life, my love, my hope, and my future. Lord, these are the things I praise you for. Things that I give you glory. Here are the past 4 years.

* Dec. 28th, 2004- Entered the hospital
* Accepted to Sam Houston State University
* 2 nephews
* ART
* Student teaching
* Graduating college
* Got off all medications
* I can sleep on my own!
* I'm healthy
* became a Teacher
* no more anxiety attacks
* Caroline
* Janet
* Jacob came home from the Marines. a prayer answered
* Houston
* First Baptist Church
* Friends
* Trust
* apartment
* Financial stability. Praise you father!
* emotions
*family
* 4 stinkin years of recovery!

You are my strength!

Who's the author of your life?

"When we trust our lives to the unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending."